In the workplace, empathizing with your boss seems to be a common behavior. However, the author of this article presents a thought-provoking perspective: never empathize with your boss in the company. Through real-life examples, the article reveals how excessive empathy can lead to self-sacrifice and disadvantages in the workplace, highlighting the importance of maintaining independent thinking and self-protection in a professional environment.
1. The Foolish Act of Employees: Empathizing with the Boss
In the company, never empathize with your boss. In the workplace, empathizing with the boss can lead to unrestrained sympathy.
A senior colleague from our team, after working for four years, decided to resign! Before leaving, he had a deep conversation with the boss, and the boss's sincerity and understanding moved him deeply.
When he was about to leave, he invited the team members for a farewell dinner to express his gratitude and attachment to the team.
At the dinner, he kept emphasizing how good the company was and how tolerant the boss was, encouraging us to cherish our jobs and not slack off or neglect our duties.
Afterward, everyone agreed that he had been “brainwashed” by the boss.
The most surprising thing was that two days after his departure, the boss brought him up in a meeting, but not as a positive example — rather, he was used as a negative one. The boss harshly criticized him, saying he "overestimated his abilities and lost touch with reality," even sarcastically adding at the end, “He just didn’t know what was good for him.”
This sudden shift in attitude made me realize: In the workplace, never empathize with your boss. After empathy, you’re just another workhorse.
1. Empathizing with Your Boss: A Game of Self-Sacrifice
In the workplace, empathizing with the boss seems like an unspoken rule. But is it really worth it? As someone once said: It's laughable when you, with a salary of 3,000 yuan, try to empathize with a boss earning 30,000 yuan!
One of our colleagues always showed sympathy for the boss's hardships. Every time the boss shared stories of working late into the night, this colleague was the first to applaud and even offered to take on extra tasks.
Once, in a department meeting, the boss mentioned feeling stressed and needing everyone's support. This colleague immediately expressed full support and promised to work even harder.
However, when it came time for the monthly performance review, this colleague was criticized for frequent mistakes caused by overwork, while the boss only made light comments about his performance.
Later, when the colleague noticed that his salary had not been adjusted for a long time, he mustered the courage to ask for a raise. The boss responded with teary eyes, sharing his own struggles of climbing up from the bottom. Moved by the story, the colleague withdrew his request, but his heart was full of bitterness.
Seeing this, are you like me, thinking: Life is a play, and we’re all actors.
Not long after, the department received an urgent project. Once again, the boss used emotional appeals to have this colleague take on the task. Although he was already overwhelmed with work, out of sympathy for the boss, he agreed to do it. As a result, the constant overtime left him exhausted, and the project still failed to meet the deadline.
In the end, during the project review, the boss criticized the delay without acknowledging the colleague's overloaded work and sacrifices. That was when the colleague finally realized that one-sided empathy didn’t bring understanding or support from the boss, but only left him in a more difficult position.
This experience teaches us that empathizing with your boss in the workplace may not be wise.
There is a natural role difference and conflict of interest between a boss and an employee. Blind empathy only weakens our ability to protect ourselves.
2. Empathy Management: How to Make It Your Advantage?
In the workplace, using "empathy" is like walking a tightrope. A slight misstep, and you might find yourself in a difficult situation.
For example, some people are so cold that no one wants to work with them. Others are overly empathetic, resulting in endless tasks and eventual burnout.
Therefore, having "empathy" in the workplace is a rare skill.
Some say: The boss doesn’t care what you say; they only care about the results!
You might encounter situations like this: You’ve just walked out of the boss's office when you hear them say, "Don’t pretend you're working hard; the results won’t lie."
Or even worse, during a report, the boss interrupts you: "I’m not interested in the details of your incompetence!"
So, knowing when to show empathy, towards whom, and how to control its level is crucial for navigating the workplace.
For example, when faced with a boss’s complaints or a colleague's request for help, it's essential to recognize the true purpose behind their emotional words.
If you anticipate that the boss is trying to pile more work on you or a colleague is trying to get free labor, it’s time to put away your empathy and respond rationally.
3. Empathize with Yourself: Time for Self-Redemption
In the company, instead of empathizing with the boss, it's better to spend that time and energy on yourself!
I recall an incident where a key member of a project team was exhausted from continuous overtime. In an urgent meeting, he expressed his fatigue and desire for work-life balance to the boss. The boss's response seemed full of sympathy and understanding, promising to optimize workflows and reduce the burden on employees.
Encouraged by the boss's words, the team member pulled himself together and threw even more of his personal time into ensuring the project's success.
However, after the project was successfully delivered, during the summary meeting, the boss ignored his efforts and instead praised other colleagues while setting even higher expectations for future work.
The stark contrast was shocking. It revealed a workplace truth: Instead of empathizing too much with the boss, it’s better to invest that emotional energy in yourself.
We should acknowledge our hard work and care about our own emotional well-being. In the workplace, each of us is responsible for our own happiness.
Only when we start paying attention to our own needs, and value our health and happiness, can we become stronger individuals, better equipped to face the challenges of the workplace.
Don’t let the boss's praise or criticism sway your emotions. Don’t be a target constantly at the mercy of the boss’s moods. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself and resonating with your own needs.
This way, no matter how the external environment changes, you can maintain inner peace and strength, and continue moving forward.
Remember, you are your best workplace healer. Never let yourself get caught in the empathy trap set by your boss, becoming a pawn for their use. By practicing self-care and self-improvement, you can go further and live better in the workplace.
2. The Key to Empathy in the Workplace: Effective Upward Management
Some people say: "In the workplace, you need to think from the leader’s perspective, understand what they want." This is not wrong. However, thinking from the leader’s perspective doesn’t mean you should always sympathize with them or accept every task they assign, leaving yourself overwhelmed.
On the contrary, if a colleague truly encounters difficulties and seeks your help, demonstrating empathy is the most appropriate way to show support.
So, don't use "thinking from the leader's perspective" to bind yourself! Don't let excessive empathy be your strategy for gaining a position in the workplace — it will only backfire.
Moderate empathy is the key to building genuine workplace connections!
1. Think from the leader's perspective, but don’t bind yourself
Thinking from the leader’s perspective helps us understand the company’s strategic direction and the team’s overall goals so that we can integrate and contribute better. However, we must also realize that everyone has their own responsibilities and boundaries at work. We cannot give up our principles and boundaries just to accept unreasonable or beyond-capability tasks in the name of thinking from the leader’s perspective.
Empathy is a double-edged sword in the workplace. Moderate empathy can earn you respect and trust from colleagues; excessive empathy can trap you in a whirlpool of endless work and emotional exhaustion.
Therefore, we need to strike a balance. We should think from the leader's perspective, but also maintain our independent thinking and judgment. We should express empathy but hold onto our principles and boundaries.
To succeed in the workplace, there are three key conditions: first, you must be capable; second, someone must recognize your capability; third, the person recognizing your capability must also be competent themselves.
Thus, the relationship between superior and subordinate is crucial. This relationship is often influenced by three fundamental differences:
Positional differences: Due to different roles, each person has different interests. It’s often said that “position determines perspective”; your stance affects how you view things.
Cognitive differences: Different experiences and knowledge levels lead to different perspectives on the same problem. Even when facing the same situation, two people from vastly different backgrounds may have completely different opinions.
Information asymmetry: There is a significant information gap between superiors and subordinates. Superiors usually access high-level information, while subordinates deal more with grassroots or peer-level information. This discrepancy leads to different conclusions and perspectives.
These differences often cause misunderstandings and difficulties in adapting between superiors and subordinates, much like the communication barriers couples experience due to differing ways of thinking.
In the workplace, we need to learn to think from the leader's perspective, but at the same time, we must hold onto our own values and independence. This is not only about protecting our personal worth but also about maintaining clear judgment and decision-making abilities.
2. Bridging the Gap for Better Self-Positioning
You might think that the superior-subordinate relationship has nothing to do with your daily work, or that it’s just “office politics” you'd prefer to avoid.
But remember, the workplace is a network of people, and wherever there are people, there are dynamics. We can’t escape social relationships, nor can we avoid the interpersonal web in the workplace.
Especially the relationship with your superior, which greatly affects your workplace happiness.
First, understand the team’s goals.
Your role’s objectives are the basis for your salary and your superior’s expectations of your value contribution. Understanding your role's goals, department goals, and company goals helps you see your place in the organization, as well as your superior’s responsibilities and needs.
How can you quickly grasp this goal-related information? In large companies, you can learn through public documents such as the annual report or department plans. In smaller companies, direct communication with your superior or the founder is more effective.
Additionally, attending planning meetings is a great way to gather this information.
Here's a checklist of questions you can use for self-assessment:
Do you know the company/department’s key focus areas for the past year?
Do you know the biggest challenge your company/department is currently facing?
Do you know the quarterly/annual plans for your company/department?
Do you know how your department adds value to the company?
Can you summarize the value of your role in one sentence?
Second, understand your superior’s situation.
It’s essential to understand your superior’s circumstances, including the tasks they handle, the challenges they face, and the pressures on them.
Often, we don’t understand our superiors’ decisions because we aren’t aware of the pressures they’re dealing with.
Their pressures typically include:
Department performance pressure
Pressure from higher-ups/their superiors
Competition from other departments
External pressures, such as project budget constraints or time pressures
There are two ways to understand your superior's situation: indirectly through senior colleagues or directly by communicating with your superior to ask about their expectations for your work and what support they need.
Only by understanding your superior’s pressures and challenges can you truly align with them and become a valuable employee in their eyes.
Third, familiarize yourself with your superior’s work habits.
Understanding your superior’s work habits, especially their communication and thinking styles, can significantly improve your communication efficiency with them.
First, observe their communication habits:
What communication style do they prefer? Written communication or verbal discussions?
Which communication channels do they favor? Meetings, phone calls, emails, or instant messaging apps like WeChat?
Do they have an open communication style, or is it more directive?
What communication frequency do they prefer? Do they like regular updates or communicate as needed?
What time of day do they prefer to communicate? Are they democratic or authoritarian in their style?
Next, pay attention to their thinking habits:
This is often overlooked. We sometimes find it hard to communicate effectively with our superiors because of different perspectives.
By observing and comparing how you and your superior respond to the same issue, you can learn how they think.
By understanding your superior’s work habits and thinking processes, you can not only communicate more effectively but also enhance your influence and value in the workplace.
Remember, every step in the workplace is an opportunity for growth — don’t be afraid to understand deeply and communicate proactively.
Here’s a tip for you: observe differences. This technique applies not only to understanding your boss but also to daily life.
For example, imagine you’re reading a book about entrepreneurship, and the protagonist faces a dilemma. You can pretend you’re the entrepreneur and think about how you would solve the problem. Then compare your thoughts with how the protagonist handles it in the book. What are the differences?
Likewise, in conversations with friends or colleagues, when they express their opinions on a topic, try to understand the issue from their perspective. What forms their viewpoint? How does their thinking differ from yours?
Similarly, if you’re a salesperson who often accompanies your boss to meetings with major clients, after the client asks a question, imagine how you would respond. Then, compare it to your boss’s actual response and jot down the differences.
By continually observing and reflecting, you’ll notice your thinking expand, allowing you to approach problems more comprehensively. You’ll discover that interacting with different people and observing how they tackle challenges can provide valuable insights.
3. Adjusting Yourself to Help Your Boss Maximize Their Strengths
To better adjust ourselves in the workplace and adapt to our boss, we can adopt the following three strategies:
1. Support Your Boss with Your Work Abilities
First, we need to understand and leverage our boss's strengths. This means observing and learning from the strengths they exhibit in their work, such as decision-making, interpersonal skills, or professional expertise. By doing so, we can make efforts to support these strengths through our own work.
At the same time, we should also be aware of any potential shortcomings our boss may have, such as time management, technical knowledge, or team coordination.
In such cases, we can proactively take on related tasks, provide solutions, or bring in external resources to compensate for these weaknesses.
This complementary cooperation not only improves the overall efficiency of the team but also enhances our boss’s recognition and trust in us.
2. Complement Your Boss’s Behavioral Style
According to the DISC model, a boss's behavioral style can generally be divided into four types: D - Dominant, I - Influential, S - Steady, and C - Compliant.
For each type of boss, we need to adopt different complementary strategies:
D - Dominant type: These bosses tend to like controlling the big picture and making decisions quickly and decisively. As subordinates, we can support them by providing the necessary data during decision-making, helping them weigh the pros and cons of various options, and reminding them of any details they might overlook. This not only ensures decision quality but also demonstrates our attentiveness and thoroughness.
I - Influential type: Influential bosses are good at proposing innovative ideas and solutions. Our role is to translate these ideas into actionable plans and follow through with implementation to ensure their ideas come to fruition.
S - Steady type: Steady bosses prefer a stable and orderly work environment. In this case, we, as subordinates, need to demonstrate flexibility and adaptability, especially in handling emergencies where we can react quickly and even take on some high-risk tasks on their behalf.
C - Compliant type: Compliant bosses emphasize the importance of rules and procedures. When working with such bosses, we need to ensure that work is carried out strictly according to established guidelines, focusing on details and accuracy to achieve efficient team collaboration.
3. Adapt to Your Boss’s Communication Style
Effective communication is key to success in the workplace. We can adjust to our boss's communication style using the following two methods:
First, give your boss enough recognition
Using the "Yes, and..." response method can express support for your boss’s ideas while adding your own insights or suggestions. This approach helps foster a positive communication atmosphere and demonstrates your willingness to collaborate and your creativity.Second, speak from your boss’s perspective
By using the "So what?" questioning method, we can guide the boss to think more deeply about the core issues, thus better understanding the motivations and goals behind their decisions. This not only helps us execute tasks more accurately but also enhances mutual understanding and trust.
In summary, by complementing our boss in terms of work ability, behavioral style, and communication method, we can adapt more effectively to different work environments, improve our personal career development, and contribute to the overall success of the team.
Final Thoughts
In the turbulent sea of the workplace, each of us is the captain of our own ship. We must have the wisdom to recognize the wind’s direction and the courage to ride the waves.
Empathy towards leadership is not unadvisable, but the key lies in knowing how to strike a balance, how to find the equilibrium between understanding and being understood.
Thinking from the leader's perspective doesn’t mean unconditionally accepting everything. It’s about learning to think from different angles while maintaining your independence and insight into the essence of the issue.
At the same time, we must recognize that workplace empathy should not be an excuse to sacrifice our own interests. We need to find a balance between empathy and self-care, ensuring that we can show empathy in the workplace while also maintaining clear judgment and decision-making abilities.
Ultimately, success in the workplace is not just about promotions and salary increases. More importantly, it’s about who we become during the process.
Remember, the workplace is not a one-way journey but a mutual pursuit. May we all go further and live more brilliantly in the workplace.
